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The pre-Christmas push was on for both of them, and days off weren’t possible. Valerie had to do all the driving because Sally and their baby were too big to be comfortable behind the steering wheel. ********************** Sally insisted upon a tree. Valerie wanted a plastic tree, if they had to have one, but Sally insisted upon real blue spruce. She had the decorations from her childhood, and added one or two souvenirs for each succeeding year. She had one from Stowe, for that summer, and smiled as she looked at it, before placing it on the tree. ‘It is beautiful,’ Valerie admitted, ‘even though this time always hurts me.’ She was thinking of Mike. ‘I know, darling,’ Sally told her, walking over to hug Valerie. Valerie hugged back. ‘Baby, this year will be so special, so wonderful, but still–‘ Valerie was crying. Sally held her as tightly as their daughter would permit. Finally, Sally had to step away as their daughter gave a mighty kick and it felt as if the baby twisted herself. I had my own room in this house, whenever I wanted it. I ate at their table more than any other. Worked on their farm. Helped teach the other kids. Helped raise them. Tucked them into bed. Lay with a few when they had nightmares. I had never contributed money; Cheryl always refused. But I loved them all very deeply.If this place, the place where I was most wanted, most belonged, could not overcome my depression, my pain, my agony, I don’t know what could.At that moment I felt like I had sated my obligations. I had fulfilled the promise. Joshua was in the hands of a loving family; a family that would raise him with all the love, caring, education- all of that. The best I could have ever hoped to be provided for him. I had no more reasons to live for. My children were all being cared for. The love of my life- my soul mate- was no longer there. Susan had fucked me over. What else?Yes, of course this thinking was extremely selfish. But life had suddenly become more of a burden than I.
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